rawr. I am kind of angry right now. Sure, I had a good start this morning but then my mother just had to burst my bubble.
she starts talking about her job. and then how I have so many oppertunities to go to college & get a good paying job to make a living. and that I need to go to college so that I can get a job.
okay, so then about 10 minutes later, she turns the whole thing around so that my college education is about HER. She is so mad at the fact that I want to move out & go live on my own. When I could stay at home & go to college too. Yeah, thats not what I want to do! She thinks that because I want to move out & live on my own that I don't care one bit about what happens to her. That by me leaving this house, I'm just totally abandoning her to fend for herself. And because SHE put her life on hold to take care of me...she thinks that I need to spend my college career at home so I can take care of her. Right. Of course she didn't exactly say those words but thats pretty much what she made it sound like. What am I supposed to do? I don't have a job to support her. I don't pay for rent here, I don't do alot of things that she does. I'm not like my father & send money for us to live. Because she thinks that I'm going to pull what he did. Move away & not care what happens to her. She's 36 years old, I would think she knew how to take care of herself if I left.
This all started because they are opening up 60 jobs at the Pfizer plant in Indiana. And she wants to move there when I go off to college.

I'm sorry. But I don't think by me living at home is going to make any difference. I would feel like Norman Bates because I guess I would have to take care of her too.

once upon a time...

there was a boy. his name is not important but the story behind it is.
he was kind, sweet, and caring.
his charm made a certain girl fall for him.
she believed that he was everything she wanted.
she believed that he cared.
as time went on, things happened for the worse.

not long after things happened, the boy disappeared only to be seen once in awhile.
this didn't bother the girl.
she wanted to stab him in the eye with a pencil. until he died.

six months later after the boy disappeared, she got word from an old friend who spoke to another friend.
the girl heard the story from the other friend.
she laughed and laughed.
see, the old friend is a walking std.
she has almost every disease imaginable.

the other friend explained that the boy & the walking std were now an item.
the girl laughed & prayed to God that he would get one of her std's.
and its all because the boy was a liar & a player.
getting an std would do him good after screwing the kind, caring girl over.

The end.

*yawn*

I seriously don't understand my body sometimes.

Last night...went to sleep prolly around 1:30 and didn't wake up til 12:15!! [ yeah, so i missed out on aerobics this morning too ] but I just seriously don't understand. Because yesterday morning, I woke up around 10.

It seems like during the school year, on a Friday night, I can go to bed at 12 and sleep until 11:30 at least. Same goes for Saturdays. I mean, am I just not getting enough sleep to the point where I sleep as much as I possibly can the only chance I get? Because lately, well, 2 days in a row, I woke up at 9 but went to bed earlier than normal & then yesterday I got up at 10.

it just kind of angers me sometimes...its inconvenient.



but anyways...I think my mom is going to south dakota sometime. she has the entire week off from work & I'm working the entire week. I told her I wasn't giving up my hours or going to find someone to work for me so I'm staying here in Lincoln most likely.

but thats what I woke up to today...my stepdad saying that she should leave today & how he can "take care of himself" HAH. I wonder if he knows that I'm not going with her.

yeah, he just wants her gone so he can spend all the money he wants on his beer & drink as much as he wants so half the day he's crocked. oh, plus he can go to the bars and whatnot.

as much as I want to stay in Lincoln, I definitely don't want to stay with him. we avoid each other when she goes somewhere. but i do that anyway...this is just more. so yeah, if she does leave sometime soon, in a way, I'm not looking forward to it because I don't want to stay here with...him.

ugh.

i heard him make a real asshole comment about me & aerobics. so right now, he can go to hell.

i just wanna take it nice & slow.

so I just need to stop dreaming some nights.

had this lovely dream of moving into a one-room apartment with mike but sharing it with 2 other people. we had our own beds. each couple, that is. on either side of the room. and i wish i knew what dreams like those meant.

but it totally skipped the good part.

woke up, I guess.

never get to see any of the good stuff in my dreams! I always wake up or it just doesn't happen like it should. we never got to make the most out of that bed we shared in the apartment. =[

and ya know, its not cool having dreams like that & then being 10 hours away from each other. like its any different than an hour but still.

and even though having dreams like that aren't going to really make me do anything...in real life.

yet...it would be nice. if consequences weren't part of life.

so life is like my dreams...never actually do anything in real life. so maybe thats why my dreams are getting nowhere!

and i so can't wait to get to norfolk! hehe. =] and Christi spends her nights with Joe in Madison or in his house...like he says he's going to buy.

and i've just been rambling in this entry. I'm sure it doesn't make much sense. But it makes sense to me. gah, i get this way at the most inconvenient times. =/

hehe, anyways. thats my rambling for tonight.

'cause i'll freak you right i will.

I don't know. So I'm kind of infuriated right now with my friend.
I don't understand her.
I stayed at that party just because I knew she wanted to be there.
Honestly, I was ready to go home at like 7...when I drove her back to her house to get dry clothes.
But no, I drove her back & stayed there til 11:30 and told I was going home.
And she's like, "oh no, I kind of wanted to stay a little while longer."
and I'm like, "fine. you can find your own ride back to my house where your car is."
and of course she goes & asks Matt and he said he would bring her back here.

maybe I'm overreacting? I don't know. It just kind of pisses me off how I offered to drive her there & stay there for her because she rode with me and then she's like, "oh, I wanna stay!"

gah. it angers me kind of. and i have no one else to rant to. especially someone that talks back.